It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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