She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
