no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
