you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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