Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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