You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
