I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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