Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize