I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
