Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
