thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
