i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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