in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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