PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
