An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?