yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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