Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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