I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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