I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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