You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
