Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
