Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
