Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize