I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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