Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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