I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
