Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
