why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
