i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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