dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
