You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
