Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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