So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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