dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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