I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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