I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
