Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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