he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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