My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
