I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
