i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
