i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
