tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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