eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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