Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
