Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
