I've blown a few things in my day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
