these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
even my farts smell like vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
