No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
