Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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