Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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