if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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