and i looked up. we had an audience...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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