We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
