Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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