I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
