didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
