You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
