I hate your face
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
