I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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