If i come over, it means nothing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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