too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
smell my finger.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
