So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
