in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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