your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
