I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
