After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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