Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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