he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
