Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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