Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dicks are not precious.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
